How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows – The Ultimate Guide.

How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows

Getting married is one of the most emotional things that will happen to you in your lifetime. For both you and your partner, declaring your love for each other publically in front your nearest and dearest is a momentous occasion and one that you should not undertake lightly.

It is no surprise therefore, that many couples are choosing to write their own wedding vows as they feel that the standard text doesn’t quite grasp the full extent of the emotion or reflect the modern era, their personality or lifestyle. ‘Till death do us part” is a nice sentiment but a tad dreary on such a beautiful and romantic day. Writing your own vows gives you and your partner the chance to enter your marriage contact under your terms and set your particular tone for “happily ever after”.

This little guide’ How to Write You Own Wedding Vows’ will helpfully give you a few tips to get you started.

How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows – How To Get Started.

Be warned, you will need to put thought and effort into writing your own vows so start early and plan well. You will need to dedicate time to this task so you can capture the essence of what you want to say in an eloquent way. You also want to be confident with your delivery on the day so spending time planning, researching, and practicing these important phrases will mean that the words you will say will flow comfortably and be heartfelt.

The first thing to do is discuss in detail with your betrothed what you are trying to achieve. Be open and honest with your fiancé and share your thoughts on how you want the ceremony to unfold. Are you thinking of light-hearted and simplistic, keeping it upbeat and humorous or more heart-melting and romantic?

Once you have a clear understanding of the style that you both want your vows to follow you can start to create a framework that you can build the ceremony around.

HIZ and hers vows!

Top Tip – How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows

Will you be writing your wedding vows together or surprising one another on the wedding day? If you are going down this route it is best to appoint a trusted friend who will look at each of your vows and make sure that they are similar in style and following the theme that you have chosen.

Get Inspired

If you have made the decision to write your own vows, then you may be looking for inspiration and reading existing vows both modern and traditional will get your creative juices flowing and help determine the sort of language and phrases you want to use. Even if you want to steer away from religion or tradition, reading vows of this kind will help you get a feel for format. You may read something that really resonates with the way you feel and enables you to put into words the promises you hope to make in your vows. Use internet articles and wedding magazines to familiarise yourself with wedding vocabulary. Why not find inspiration from your favourite romantic novel or love song. Seeking inspiration from these sources will shape your vows lyrically and poetically and ensure you create a personal message.

Inspiration may be closer than you think. Why not look to your partner and relationship for ideas? Look back on your time together and think about what made you fall in love with them? Why did you want to marry them and how do you see your future together. These simple question will supply answers that will almost definitely give you the basic structure of the vows which you can embellish. They are also the things about your relationship that are unique and putting them into your vows will make them unlike any others.

Promises Promises

Making commitments and promises to each other is the very core of vow making, so start to think about the commitments you want to enter into with your loved one. Think about long term pledges such as love and support through thick and thin, but also personalise your vows with little promises that show you know your partner’s needs and wants such as ‘I promise to bring you a cup of tea in the morning” or “I promise to let you eat half my dessert when you said you didn’t want one”. This way you show that you understand the core values of marriage and also offer little personal love notes.

Get Writing

If you have heeded the advice above then you will have ideas and notes to hand of the style of vows you want to write and the type of promises you want to make; and now you can start writing. Get all your thoughts down on paper in a first draft. From there you can start to edit the text taking care to avoid lengthy sentences and repetition. Aim for flowing phrases that best communicate what you want to say. Don’t expect to get it right at first, in fact, it is best to write your vows well in advance and keep coming back to them so you can see it with fresh eyes. Expect to write about three drafts before you get it just the way you want it. This way you will end up with more succinct vows that truly express how you feel.

How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows ~ Rule of 5

Include these 3 little words when you write your vows
  1. Mention the ‘L’ word. Love after all is the reason that you are both getting married in the first place and essential to all wedding vows. Do make sure those three little words ‘I Love You’ are included.
  2. Make Promises. Promises made in front of your guests will firmly underpin the devotion you have for each other and demonstrate your commitment to the union you are about to enter. Avoid using words such as always and other terminology that just might not be possible to deliver. However, promises that portray your willingness to care for and consider each other’s feeling are both romantic and realistic.
  3. Demonstrate in your vows that you understand what marriage and partnership is all about by reinforcing your intention to be there through thick and thin, the good times and the bad.
  4. Be inclusive. Although the marriage ceremony feels very personal to you and your loved one, it is essentially bringing two families together. Mention this and thank those that have helped and supported you both on your journey so far and acknowledge that fact that you will probably require support as you enter the next part of your life together.
  5. Make it personal. The reason you are writing your own vows is that you found the old traditional text too impersonal, so make sure you include ‘love notes’ or anecdotes that mean something to you both, tell a story to those gathered around you and demonstrate why it is that you are marrying each other.

Top Tip – How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows

Once you have a draft you are happy with read it aloud. Things that look good on paper may not sound quite the same once they are spoken. You will soon see if things are flowing nicely or jarring.

Practise Makes Perfect

As mentioned above there are many benefits to physically reading your vows out. Most importantly it will give you an idea on how much time it will take to deliver them. Take your time as you say them aloud and find a comfortable pace practicing the intonation and including pauses and breaks to help emphasis meaning and sentiment.  Write notes on your paper to indicate where to breathe or allow room for the audience to respond or laugh at a sentimental or amusing line. Practising, even in front of a mirror is you can, will also give you confidence. There will be nerves on the day so the more familiar you are with your words the less stressful it will be.

And then of course there is timing. There are no hard and fast rules but try not to let your vows run for more than two minutes. And of course, if you are really stuck ask a close friend for help and advice.

Delivery on the Day

You may have learnt your vows by heart, or you may feel more comfortable reading them. If you choose the later, make sure you have created a fresh copy and bear in mind what this will look like when in public view. On the wedding day remember to take a deep breath and steady yourself. Focus on the sentiment and deliver your vows slowly and clearly. While you don’t want to shout them, you do want people to hear your vows so project your voice and try not to mumble.

Take your time, avoid rushing and stick to the pauses and breaks you inserted to allow your vows to flow.

To put it simply, talk straight from the heart and you can’t go wrong!

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